Our sweet angel

As the day got closer to my induction day June 4, 2015, I was full of joy and excitement. June 3rd was my last dr visit with my OB before giving birth. It was also my last ultrasound to check for last measurements and all that good stuff before giving birth. I was already going to be 39 weeks on the dot that Friday. My little boy was measuring well over 8lbs. It's always a give or take so he could have also been around 7lbs. My dr was certain with all the measurements he did Julian wouldn't be that small, and with my measurements he would be getting stuck on the way out, and could end up with a broken arm. I also had BP problems that started about the end of week 34. He was still letting me get induced but warned me of everything that could happen, but he suggested a cesarean would be much better choice.  He let me talk it over with your dad and I honestly didn't know what the right thing to do could have been. I kept asking myself if I should risk it since he's definitely not the first baby over 9lb born vaginally, but then again who else knows my situation more than my own OB. I put all my trust in him and decided cesarian would be best. 

I went home and felt ok, then Thursday came and that's when it hit me. Did I make a mistake by accepting a c-section? I felt full of regrets and all I wanted was to still have my induction scheduled for that night at 8pm, but what I really wanted was to go the 40 or 41 weeks and let my baby boy come on his own. I wanted the chance to feel labor on my own without medical help. May sound crazy but it was my birth plan and what I had in mind all along. I kept asking myself "what if he's not even ready regardless of being considered full term?". Overall I had tons of thoughts running through my head. 8 pm came along Thursday night and all I wanted was to go into labor on my own to avoid surgery. 

Friday June 5th after preping the night before and that morning, I couldn't help but to cry in the shower. I was scared and beyond nervous. We got ready and were ahead of schedule. I didn't have to be at the hospital until 10am but I tried to keep busy. I held my baby Bella and hugged her tightly. I was sad leaving her behind for so many days but I knew she was in good hands with my mom. She's not just a cat, she's my baby and I just didn't want her feeling abandoned by me, so I cried even more on top of my surgery. Later I laid in bed and just cuddled with your daddy. We were both scared but prayed for the best. It was finally time to head out and my SIL was on her way to class. Wished us luck and told me not to worry that everything would be ok. Off to my moms house to drop off Bella and Abby, both moms prayed for us. My gmama cried and as hard as it was I tried to keep the tears from falling. They both hugged us and wished us well. I left in a hurry so they wouldn't see the fear in me and right after I closed the door those tears couldn't stop coming. Got in the car and both me and your dad held hands and let it out. So many emotions that morning from anxiety, fear, but overall just wanted my baby boy healthy along with me. 

Arrived at the hospital 30 min early and headed to the 4th floor. The great nurses there greeted us and showed me my room. I got dressed into the hospital gown and I still couldn't stop feeling anxious. The nurse I got was just lovely and kind! She assured me I would be ok. She mentioned her cesarian just 5 mo ago and I felt a bit better talking about it. My dr was running just a few min late but as the time got closer and closer - I didn't care how late he was. Of course I wanted you in my arms, but I've never have had surgery. I was beyond scared not knowing what to expect. 

12:10pm and the the nurse came to let us know my dr was here. He came into the room and said not to worry - that things would go smooth and if I was ready. Of course I wasn't but off we went. The OR felt extremely cold and with my nerves I was shacking as if I was naked outside in the freezing cold. I got my spinal that numbed me from chest down. I started to feel out of breath and felt an anxiety attack coming. Just my luck, I got an anxiety attack from hell. Tony the anesthesia tech noticed and gave me anxiety meds through the IV and gave me oxygen. I felt a HUGE relief and calmed down within seconds. Your dad came in and then it started. I didn't feel a thing which was my fear. My dr told me you were almost out and all I wanted to hear was your cry, and there it was! I was beyond thankful to God you were here and breathing. Daddy saw you first as they cleaned you up and measured you. The whole OR was amazed how big you were. 9lbs 10 oz! I could hear my dr say you looked just like daddy! They brought you to me and laid you on my chest. Daddy then held you and we took pictures. You were born at 12:51 pm healthy and all ours. I couldn't believe it, you were finally here and no longer in my belly! Off they wheeled you to prep you with daddy while I got sewed back up and off to recovery. 

Finally they brought you to me and I held you, still in shock that you were here with us. Did skin to skin contact with you and fed you. You latched on perfectly fine and were safe in my arms. Your tia Estela came to meet you and was super excited you were finally born. Your Munoz family came to meet you after waiting that morning in the waiting room and we were all amazed with you. Right when I held you I fell even more beyond in love with you. I loved you in my belly all along, but now holding you and seeing you, it was an even bigger love I can't explain. Julian Dante Muñoz, you are our greatest love, our baby boy, our everything. 

Oh Julian...

 Now things had been pretty good for the most part. Well except for last weekend. Started to really feel the heaviness in my stomach and constant braxton hicks that weren't going away. As much as I need to take it slow it seems impossible considering I only works Saturday's, but of course anything for baby. Our "fun" day is always on a Saturday but seeing how horrible I felt, being home will have to do. More ps4 time with daddy then! My baby shower will be this Sunday which is great because after my Saturday job, I seriously can't function right after 3pm. By Sunday I'm more relaxed and feeling much better. Then comes weekdays and back to feeling like I'm 38 weeks! 

Had a Drs appt today at 32 weeks 5 days and you are measuring about 4-5 weeks ahead. My Dr doesn't see me making it to June 12, and thinks you'll  come by 37 weeks. Which is quiet ironic since I've had several moms tell me the exact same thing. Hearing it from my dr just made it much more real. You are positioned head down still since my last ultrasound 2 weeks ago. You seem to enjoy staying there and tickling my bladder. Which is not so great for me as it has me peeing constantly. So getting induced or C-section is what could happened. I really want to try for natural delivery but of course I trust my dr and will do what is needed. C-section is the last thing I want, so now that I know it's a huge possibility, I'm not ready for it and completely scared. Just hoping you come out with organs fully developed even if it's before my due date and don't  have any type of health problems. Would really like for you to stay in as long as possible and not in 4 weeks! 

Whether you come in 7 weeks or sooner we are praying for you to be a healthy baby and beyond excited for your arrival. You have tons of people excited to meet you too! Just please go easy on mommy and daddy the first few weeks. 

Almost there

Our baby boy is almost here! No words can express how happy and excited I am. I've been so emotional lately just thinking about holding him in my arms and showing him how much I love him! Can't wait for daddy to hold him and see how we will be as first time parents. Everyone is super excited for his arrival! Especially since this will be the 1st baby that will be around my whole family constantly (I don't live far from home). As thrilled as I am for Julian's arrival, I'm going to miss being pregant though :( I'm getting sad just thinking about it! I can honestly say I've enjoyed my pregnancy so far despite the usual symptoms. I may not feel 100% great everyday, but I am happy enjoying being pregnant. I love feeling his kicks/punches, and moving around my belly. Things I'm deffetnately going to miss:( Just about 84 more days to go (12 weeks)! 

That's life

These past few weeks have been pretty nerve wrecking. From so many health problems going with my loved ones, it's been such a huge toll on me. Impossible to relax these days when a storm hits you by surprise. So glad to have had the support lately and everyone concerned for our baby boy. I think I'll be much more at ease when we get through this major crisis that's ahead of us. Feeling my baby kick brightens my mood, which is all day pretty much lol. Not sure when he sleeps since he's been working on his karate this past couple of weeks. On a side note, I can't wait to have my g-mama home tomorrow if God permits it. Once I have her back from the hospital then my mom goes in for surgery :( Just pray and hope all goes well and we can happily enjoy my nieces 15 that's around the corner. I just can't believe all this is happening at once before my baby boy gets here. I want him to grow up with both my moms and love them unconditionally. Breaks my heart when stuff as serious as this happens and there's nothing I can do about it. What I can do is pray for my g-mamas heart to stay strong and not give up, and for my moms cancer to just give her a break for once, and have her as healthy as possible. As much as I need to be prepared for the worst, I'm not ready. I just want to finish my pregnancy with a healthy boy and get through one thing at a time. 

RIP Grandpa

Sunday Feb 28,2015 God received another angel. He's in a better place and resting now. All the pain he was in is all gone and he is now watching over us. It's a shame I didn't get to see him in 24 years, but he loved us very much despite our family differences. You will be forever loved and remembered. 

Pregnancy Dreams

Had such a bittersweet dream last night. I was dragging a friend up some stairs since she was going crazy. I guess with dragging that much extra weight I started having contractions early. Not sure how far along I was but I know I was scared because it wasn't time. Peremedics came and tried to slow down the contractions to prevent labor while I was still laying on the stairs. Well I somehow got to see my baby boy! Not sure how since he wasn't born yet. I'm assuming it was a really high tech US because I could physically see him and not it b&w I mean actually see him on the screen. He was the most precious baby I had ever seen. I was so in love with him already. I couldn't believe it. It was such an amazing feeling that I've never felt. He had a lot of hair, big round eyes and very healthy. He looked about 9lbs which sacred me a bit since I was going to deliver vaginally. I then woke up but I can still see that precious face smiling at me. 

Anatomy scan

Had my anatomy scan yesterday at 22 weeks! Was suppose to be at my 20 week ultra sound but the nurse misunderstood and scheduled me for a regular US. I got to see my baby more than the normal so I was fine by that! I had such a great experience with the tech. She pointed out every single part and assured me things looked as they should. I know a lot of girls due on my month were having problems with how ugly their tech was so I was relieved. I think my scan lasted about 20 min or more. Got tons of pics as well so I was even more happy! Dr. Saw me afterwards and assured me everything was fine. Kidneys are working great and your tiny heart as well. No extra fluids or anything that can harm you. You are in the 65% percentile, but he said its completely normal (you're just measuring a bit ahead) and weigh 1lb 6oz! 

Note to Julian Dante: You did such a great job and cooperated very well. You were breech but I know eventually you'll get more comfy in there. Dr. said there's no harm in that. You kept kicking mommy the whole time and punching my upper tummy as well. The tech was laughing and how well you are at karate. I don't mind your kicks at all! I get sad when you're sleeping and don't feel you beating my stomach up lol. Me and daddy love you more than anything. We're completely in love with you and pray to God you continue to stay healthy. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you and give you tons of love and attention. You're everything to me and can't wait for you to meet all of your family. 

Shared the US pics with my mom and she was beyond thankful to God for allowing me to carry this wonderful joy inside me. She's so in love with my baby and got emotional for how much love she has for him. I am beyond thankful in every single way and can't wait for my mom to hold him. We never thought we'd see this day together and words cannot describe how incredibly blessed I am to have her by my side to this very day. With all of our struggles God has done such an amazing job at keeping her healthy and just pray he continues to. I want my baby boy to know her and share great memories together. My husband is the one making all this happened to were I'm getting to take care of my mom and be a SAHM for the amount of time needed as well as a caregiver to my mom. He's amazing and the best person I've ever met. I couldn't do any of this without him aside from God. Forever grateful.