Depression??

As the days get closer for moms treatment to end i seem'd to become more and more sentimental towards this. I'm starting to cry again when everyones asleep at night, pretty much anytime no one is around me. My hubby sees me sad sometimes, but I rather not stress him out more since nobody can help me. I much rather be alone sad, crying, and angry. (Yes i know this is not healthy) Every time I see my mom struggling just trying to eat or sit up, I not only get sad but angry. Angry that this stupid cancer exist. People who are happy living life then one day get told "You have cancer, treatment may help" I am really trying hard not losing faith. I don't think thats my issue though. It's just the more and more I read and try to reach other people going through this, they've passed on. I get even more angrier. Here I am reading blogs of how happy they were that treatment was a success, then they are no longer here with us. Then there's the million dollar question, "Why did this have to happen?" Tears just come to me as I read about their experience and how much they are fighting for their lives so just live a happy life. Life just doesn't seem fair. I try to keep in mind some of these people didn't die of cancer but of other health problems they had. I've met a few ladies that are fighting cancer along with diabetes, high blood pressure, ect. I do however believe in miracles, I just wish we were't going through this to begin with but we are. Sometimes I'll be in denial or just think to myself "there's no way this is happening right now, wake up from this nightmare". Hadn't felt like this in a while. It's prob because I like to bottle up my emotions and just push everyone away and not involve them. With my mom being gone for 2 days in a few days I just hope God protects her and keeps me sane. I'll be alone while the hubby works so lets hope I don't lose it. I should force myself out the house. I don't know, I wish I could be with my mom through it. I've never left her alone for that long. I'll be bugging the nurses to take good care of her. With both her nephrostomy tubes in I worry they wont drain them in time. When she was in the hospital I had to keep reminding them. Things like this worry me. I know nobody can take care of her the way I have. This makes me even sadder cause with radiation in her who's going to force her to still eat? Or even cut up her food since she has problems chewing it? Then the angry part returns which makes me just wanna scream "fuck you cancer!!!" Not to mention every time I turn on the tv cancer is every where!!!!!! I was watching Devious Maids and what you know, some one has cancer. Then commercials about a cancer center in Oklahoma I wanted to take my mom to comes out about how their technology is more upgraded and show great success stories. Then commercials of kids with cancer . So then I go back to my dvr and watch my recordings, again more cancer talk on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Then hubby wants to watch Kevin Hart, so why not I can always use a good laugh. Well his mom died of cancer and he brings it up. Makes me want to burn my tv. Not sure if its pure coincidence, reality trying to slap me in the face, or a sign I may have cancer as well. Yes, i've done my research of every cancer possible and big mistake. Seems like now everyone is getting cancer. You used to never hear of it as much and see so many people go through this. We live in a pretty big area but everyone knows of everyone pretty much. Growing up we never had any friends or friends of friends having cancer. Now a lot of people seem to be going through the same battle as well. I hope to still be alive when they have finally found a cure. Well enough about me feeling depressed lately. I just needed to vent. Snapping back to reality and accepting things. Loving God and praying each day things improve for my mom and everyone else kicking cancers ass!!