I love you mom

As I'm here in the hospital with my sister I still can't help but cry as I see my mom in pain I can't even describe. Only reason I'm blogging this is that its kept me sane in hard times like these. I feel so sick to my stomach knowing my mom is in a room alone in tremendous pain that morphine isn't even helping. Praying to God that this pain passes and she's able to eat later. Trying to be positive but realistic at the same time. Never have I seen my mom like this and I'm pissed as hell at this cancer. The nurses remained calm which was helpful for me and my sister. I still can't get that image out of my head. It was the worse thing in the world. 

August 24, 2013

The top paragraph I wrote yesterday while we were at the hospital all day. I prayed and prayed my mom would get better and thanks to those prayers and everyone else's my mom is finally stable! She was talking and smiling, laughing with us as well. Nobody will ever understand what me and my sister saw from ppl who have never experienced such a tragic. My mom went into some sort of shock we both believed she wasn't going to make it for a second. Scared the living hell out of us. I wasn't trying to be negative and not have faith, but seeing my mom at that moment just traumatized us. I'm still traumatized to this very moment just to think she has to do this all over again in less than 2 weeks. I know she's in good hands right now even if she's going to be alone until Monday, but regardless she's my mom and it breaks my heart her being so far away from me right now.